The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again

Im feeling down. Im still over getting an E for Malay. Whoever said that college students are perfect?? This is a dreadful stigma to live with. The labels of being academically inclined, the pressure to get into NUS, i truly hated every thing about yesterday. Part of me wished i could jsut erase it from my memory, and forget it ever happened, but then, i think about WHY God even let this happen to me, and i realised, that maybe this was a wake up call. A really tough smack to my face to just make me realise, that even though i tot i did okay enough to get a C but ended up with an E, what you think is not a fact.

I felt such great pain upon receiving my results and my dad's words jsut rang like some really spoilt alarm "Youre a quitter". I jsut cried, even in front of Mr Mahmood. All i thought to myself, was "What am i going to tell dad??". It was so hard, and jsut recalling the moment right now, brings tears to my eyes. I cried and i felt so overwhelmed with fear and shock. An E? What the hell am i going to do with an E?? Lets jsut say, i was having the worse crying stint after an exam.

I had my friends with me. ML came down from the 3rd storey to comfort me, and i thank her for it. All my friends were jsut telling me that MT is not important for my university admission, and i knew that. I knew it and thats why i said "What the hell is MT result?" the day before the release, and this definately has taught me to watch my mouth. They were all great comforts, but i jsut wanted to cry for awhile. I had the right to feel lousy at the disgraceful result (no offence to those who got E). Even Mr Mahmood helped my dad understand by talking to him. Im so grateful. Nevertheless, i cried cos i jsut felt so disappointed at myself. So frustrated even.

I dont want to feel this way next year, when im receiving the results that matter. I want to feel that ray of hope of getting into NUS and doing the course I WANT. I dont want to be at risk, i want to be secured. I want to be able to get out of the examination after every exam and feel i did my best, and confident. Im just so afraid for PW result now, I dont know what i'd do if i dont get the grade i tried so hard to work for. Well, i need to keep my head focussed on March Block tests first, and worry about PW when the time comes, that is, about one month later??

I thought about this on the bus ride home, i only have to work hard and just put my heart and soul into this one year. Its the only year that matters right now. If i dont get through successfully, there are no other years to think about. Its here and now. so might else well give it my ALL and do well. Stop questioning myself, and jsut do it. After all, this is the year i can define myself and my career options. I chose college cos i wanted more time to experience what i love and decide what i truly love and the prospect of doing what i love. and right now, i ahve a certain idea, but this is the year that will determine if i get to do what i want.

As three days grace sings, "Now and again we try/To just stay alive/Maybe we'll turn it around/'Cause it's not too late/It's never too late".