today, at 5am, my maid went home. I didnt say godbye, i didnt give her a hug. And the last thing i said to her was, dont forget, 5am okay. And then, came the rush of calls, and her anxiousness and delight of going home after staying with what felt like 5 years but actually was 8 years, with us.

I woke up to the calls of my Pri 4 brother who was calling for her. And i felt angry, not at him, at myself. For not saying a proper goodbye and giving her the respect she was due. But it was so hard, and i wanted to cry that morning. Imagine the feeling, the first thing in the morning. I just wanted to bury myself under the pillows, and give her a frantic call to say goodbye. Really, but it felt so hard, because to be truthful to you and myself, i didnt want her to go home. I wanted her to stay cos her presence made home feel normal somehow. Like she was always there. And it felt easier not to say anything cos then, maybe you wont have to confront your emotions, but as i type this out in the library in Innova JC, my eyes are tearing. And I just wish her all the best for her future endeavors, and that she would hve reached Inodonesia safely. I also want to thank her for all the things she did for me... being my listening ear, taking care of us and being a friend. I will truly miss having her aorund the house. I never thought i'd feel this way, but i do, and im not surprised.

Well, there goes the announcement. The library is closing in 10. I still have a lecture later. Goodness. Thursdays are jsut horrid. Well, the true test of home, will start today. Actually it started at 6.30am today.