The Believer; A Dreamer.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

I wish i could save you

I just finished reading Pierre's blog on Myspace and im just awed by him. "Save you" is song from their album and its about his brother who went through cancer not once, but twice. It got so bad he had to be quarantined and people could only visit him with latex gloves and masks and all that protection. And his condition got so bad he got infections jsut from breathing so he had ulsers in his mouth and couldnt eat. Im jsut in awe how someone can carry on and how someone finds SO much strength in such dark hours. Especially, alone and when you know, what others can do, is limited and the effect can only be seen months later. How do you live waiting for positive change? And all along, Pierre was going through this but he still managed to keep his emotions in and get on with life as a musician. Life stories, the more you get them, the more you can learn. And believe me, you'll be a better person. Life stories.

The day was okayy. Woke up early to do math and continued in the afternoon. My eyes really hurt from doing math so i decided to take a break. Watched teevee and went online. Yesterday, i awoke thanks to nicoles sms at 2 in the morning. That girl is crazy. LOL. And i began thinking like "shoot. This girl was doing math till 2? and im sleeping?" I think im being paranoid and i think im beginning to feel the competition heating up even though its just January. and now, i really wnat to do well, and be on par with my other cousins. Cos they are jsut brilliant. So the pressures on me, and right now, its working to my advantage cos its pusing me but i know control. I really dont wanna burn out too soon, even better, at all. Being the emotional wreck that i am, ive got to watch my step.

I see Februsry peeking around the corner, and week 5. that means, 5 more weeks till block tests! EEEEKKKKKZZZZ. SIGHHH.

My mum and dad are having a bicker and she took off for work w/o dad. SIGHHH. I hope this ends soon. Tension = lack of concentration

Anyway, ive got to find other ways to entertain myself. for y'all interested in the Arts, go check out the Greek special all the way for Louvre at the National musuem. Should be pretty cool. Ends on march 16! =D Im going... i think! LOL.

So what have I got to prove
And what have I got to lose
When youre not worth fighting for
And why am I feeling down
While youre out messing around and youre
Not worth begging for

Its up to me
Its up to me
And I'm still falling
Its up to me
Its up to me
And I'm still calling

Friday, January 25, 2008

9 in the Afternoon

Line taken from Panic At the Disco first upcoming single!

Anyway, school was okay today. =) But it got really draggy cos we had PE and 3 straight tutorials which really is unbearable. Surprisingly, History was pretty funn in a sense, i didnt have to pay attention too much cos was catching up with XT and dear Sheryl. And of course i had seventeen mag to entertainment me! =X My gosh, i still remember reading that mag at 16 and thinking " Seventeen? im not even there yet. so old!"

And now,im eighteen.
Can hardly believe it.

Talking about age, taking 900A brings back sweet memories nowadays. jsut today, i saw this boy from PAP kissing his older sister from innova primary on the left, right and on the lips. And i thought he was sooooo sweet. then the boy went to his mum and took this blue water bottle and passed it to her sister then the mum came up to the girl and kissed the same way: Left, right and on the lips. You jsut know that the family is tight knit and the parents taught them well.

And it remind me so much of how i kiss my grandma. And im so glad her eye surgery went great and i couldnt thank god enough for the health He has given and is still giving to my Grandma for she is the world to me.

Anyway, ive been ctaching some SP clips before their album release. And it was good. I think the albums only going to be out like late feb or early march? Which is sad cos everyone in europe and US will already be rocking to their album waaaaayyy before i do. HURRRRR... oh, and that means, i need to save. =(

Ive quite an appetite so says Safarina. Ive been eating during break, during lunch or on short days, after school then, maybe OCK on the way home or twister fries or Bubble tea and then i have secret recipe cake at home and i eat dinner at home. OH GOSSSSHHHH. Im jsut throwing you my unhealthy diet, how unfortunate for you.

Anyway, i need tips on how to spread loser syndrome. I need more ppl to be infected with it. Right now, only Nicole Tan is. Im thinking Melissa or nicole Tay next! HAHAHAHA. SHUSSSSHH... between you and me only horrr.

Mun Ling and i finally got a locker. 302. HEHEE. but right now its empty and ive vowed to myself to take all the lecture booklets that i may have left there on Friday back home so there is no excuse to not study for the weekend. HEHE. theres only my Adidas deodarant and some of Babe's stuff innit.

Speaking of Babe, we had a fight this week. And we've had poor communication since then. i will never ever get anyone to get my food ever again. unless its during break like a cup or a bottle, but definately not like what happened. I was so confused over what happened, and suddenly, it felt like Babe was my mum. So, as usual as when its with my mum, i jsut shut up and wait for answers. I wouldnt take forgranted anyone, and from now onwards no more food errands.

Training with coach on Weds was fun too. But i need help with shooting. and dribbling too.

O-levels out. And from what i heard form taufiq, his badge did better than my badge by 1%. But apparently some ppl didnt make it. =( SIGGHHHH. On a happpier note, Syikin, got 7 points! And is heading to Victoria, Insyaallah! Whole family is proud of her. Cant wait to talk to her and catch up. I can only say "Keep striving for more, Syikin!" =D I need to see that NPCC guy. I hope he made it.

Meanwhile, stuff at home are jsut going downhill. I came home to my mum getting frustrated at STARHUB CABLE TEEVEE bcos her HBO package is missing. And the whole confusion about my bro's phone being weak thus he couldnt pick up and all. OMGGGG. Now they are all off for his parent meeting session, im expecting more noise later... BUT, pray for me there wont be too much okay. I jsut want to enjoy today, then study tonight cos Friday shows are the worst. The irony.

Im at SP's Myspace. I miss them and their music. Im listening to their song "the end". and i really like it.

And No matter where im heading
And no matter what i do
something keeps me coming back to you
I see you next to me but still you feel so far away
Where did we go wrong? (X2)
I guess its just the part of what you look at me and say
Good bye
Dont
Dont let me go
Its not the end.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Quicksand

My day strated off well, but the night was just horrible.

Ive no idea why but i keep squabbling with my younger brother nowdays. Hes such a bugger. OMGOSHHH. And the house is just no place to study. Then i could at least do 1 hour of econ revision and some math before i sleep but now, i ahve to wait till 10.30 for me to really start working. Its so irritating. To make up for lost time, im wkaing up at 5 to study. I feel so nocturnal.

Tonight, i jsut feel absolutely, no motivation whatsoever. Im quuite a complex person it seems. My dad always asks me questions like "how was your day?" "Are you coping?" OR the one i hate most "What are you doing?" I find them trivial and rhetorical. And sometimes i answer rudely with a one word reply and maybe "I dont want to tak about it", and the next day he will ask "Why were you in a bad mood yesterday?" In which i reply "NOOOOO...". I dont get it. I jsut dont feel he encourages me more then he pressures me or checks on me. And its really making me feel really lowwww.

I just dread going home nowadays. I jsut prefer staying in school and study. Maybe i should that more often. Home is just now condusive anymore. And all the responsibilities of getting their checkng on their spelling and helping them, i jsut cant help but ask myself "WHAT ABOUT MEEEE?" I just feel so stretched.

Thank god its friday tmr. I feel my mind is about to explode with too much emotions, and i want to cry so much but im just trying to be really strong here. I jsut hope everything with the family turns out okay, The whole "no teevee during weekdays" is a little too much its rubbish, in fact. I HATE IT.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Everything's, Everything's Magic

Ive always been so sure im such a huge pop punk rock fan. since i loved bands that many mainstream people dont. Especially my friends. I was listening to Paramore even before Riot was out. So, its strange for people to tell me like "GOSH. PARAMORE ROCKXXX". Ive not right to call these people posers, but errmmm.. dont they sound like posers? HAHAH. Oh, whatevs. Protecting the beginnings of many bands i guess. From the unknown to all the groupie lovers. SIGHHH.

But anyway, thats not the point.

I didnt quite realise but Mun Ling kinda made me think. And when i checked my song list, i noticed. All the new songs i d/l, they are all soft, with mostly lady voices and are soulful. OH.. SCAAA-REEE. Im listening to A Fine Frenzy, Ingrid Michaelson, and yesterday, i was listening to material from Moses Mayfield and Graham Colton. Really nice sleeping to these songs.

Want my must-have music list?
1) A Fine Frenzy - Near to you
2) One Republic - Stop and Stare
3) Graham Colton - All the world Tonight
4) Ingrid Michaelson - Corner of your Heart
5) Avril Lavigne - Tomorrow

Maybe, its part of growing up. Where i learn to appreciate the other side of being more calm and less angry. Hey, just like tom sang in Everything's Magic.

If i get to upload this song successfully, it should be up. Its call "Better With You" by Five Times August. When you click play... i need you to do these steps.

1) Imagine a bonfire. A circle with all your good friends. And you guys are jsut about settling down around the fire. And youre joking about, some of y'all playing silly/ stupid games lile Truth or Dare (HAHA) and then...
2) Someone, one of the guys, took out his acoustic guitar. And starts strumming to this song. Singing and you guys...
3) start singing too. Swaying left to right. nodding you heads and snapping your fingers, clapping.
4) You take a moment, and look around the circle and you see your friends

All you want, is for this night to last forever. more music, more laughter more chasing around the fire. I think our badge should have a bonfire. Okay, maybe at least a BBQ. Or even a similar thing in nicole's porch! =D Dont you love his voice?

Its schooling tmr. Ive been utterly and disgustingly UNproductive this weekend. Limited amount of work done. Looks like a long night! =X Theres training too. Im not sure about going cos Coach is not going to be there! =( Hes coming Wednesday. SIGHHH. Tmr is heavy-bag day. OHOHOH... AND I WANNA GET A SHARED LOCKER WITH BABE TOOOOO! Woohoooo!

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

Tomorrow it may change

PS: SORRY! CANT D/L Better With You. So, this is my best try to getting for you the song. Its still very nice. Dont think about the guy. HEHEH.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

This is Our Time

Hola!

Guess what! Im getting the jitters already! Theres the premiere of Season 5 of OTH! Thanks to my messenger, Syaza! =D Blogs are a great way of communicating! But i just youtube-edd it but just got to view a little of the first eppy. SOOOO full of surprises! =X Actually the title of my entry is from a line on their promo vid.

Our time is now. And what we've lost, we cant claim. But we have, we can cherish. And this sorta remind me of the song from One Republic that ive been enjoying so much cos every word ozzes with meaning. So lovely.

You have to enjoy it for yourself okay, so log on to youtube and check it out.

I thought i had lots to say but i guess i dont. Gosh, this is so random. Im sorry if i sound so anti climax. HURH.

Friday, January 11, 2008

The long awaited weekend!

hello!

Been MIA for a bit. Excuse me, what can i say? A-level student you know! HEHEH. Kidding larhhh....

Anyway, ive managed to do a little revision everyday so i know about the next day's lecture better and that has definately help me improve in my concept. Miss Wang's quizes for each tutorial also keeps me on my toes and her teaching and encouragement makes me really grateful to have her. I like Mr Lim, but he is just unable to control my class! We're a handful!

Something not so good is that history lessons and lectures have been a drag. Fundamentalism, Fundamentalism, Fundamentalism. SERIOUSLY. Like what the hell? I really think this topic about religious conflicts is so boring! Its almost the same thing for the other 2 categories. SIGHH. Oh, ive also been picked on for talking. *points to Palvin* Hes damn distracting, but since lessons have been boring... Im thankful i had him. We played tick tack toe, talk a little and shook our heads tgt at how aimless the lect was. Sighh, i love history. Please make it more interesting next week!

Gippy has been good. I like Mr Yip's style, where he gets us on the board to write factors. And i mean the WHOLE class! I think its very good to know he tries to make it not so dull. Did i mention that he has been incridibly patient too! I like Mr Yip! =D

Lit with Mdm Chitra has also been great. The fact that we can just give our perspective on the poem, is really beneficial. "Try me." thats what she says. And she wont laugh at your idea, she improves on it or helps us work on it. So its just great encouragement. I think lit tutorials are gonna be great fun. Oh, but shes VERY strict! Like no yawning. notebooks, files. EVERYTHING must be there or else... DOOMED!

My math has been.. hmm.. Mr Pang is nice. But sometimes, the class just takes advantage of him. For example, by talking, or not doing our work. And thats what i dont like. I mean, hes already trying so hard, teaching a slow class isnt an easy-peasy task, so i get pretty ticked off when palvin or boris goes chatting like their conversations are more important. But, so far, he hasnt had to raise his voice so, i think we're still not going over the thin red line. Math is okay, i just need LOTSSSSSS of practice. i cannot stress on that word enough! =(

PE has been manageable too. but i really hate the idea of them draining us then making us rain. I really canno run in to my best potential that way! =( Im so damn slow larh. 5 rounds and my timing is 14min 30+ sec. Im determined to imporve i need to if i want to be able to sustain my energy during Floorball.

Coming to that! I LOVE FLOORBALL TRAININGS nowadays. with the J1s coming in, its just great to be kind of giving back to the next badge of Floorball-errzzz in Innova. And my 2 legs are hurtiong at different areas so its tough for me, but i really dont want to miss trainings! The matches we play, ive never wanted to try it so bad. especially since Rochester and (today) Hakim joined in the fun. Seeing these two guys play is like seeing the physical turned into art. OHOHOH, did i miss the most important point of this whole paragraph?? I scored a goal against Starsky!!! WOOOOOHHHOOOOO! Okay, i have to respect Starsky okay! hes damn talented, so beating him to the goal was jsut the icing to my training. Now, i cant wait for Monday's late training cos Coach Jaime is coming! Say "FLOORBALL". Ive never loved sweating this much. Oh my my. I really want to play in A-divs this year.

I can only do my best to continue coping with my academics and improving my fitness level so i can be a better Floorball player.

Floorball is heart.

My mum and dad has returned from Msia. And i need to study too. At least a little cos i have studied in school while waiting for training.

Oh, i was chatting with Vanitha from my UK trip. GOD, i miss her! i miss laughing with her and seeing her blush at her mistakes and jsut omygosshhh, walking in the freezing cold with her. Now, we only get to say few words in school. how i wish we could just talk and look over England pics and be in the coach or the Cambridge hostel sleeping in the same room and laughing with my Mrs Left? I just miss Vanitha a lot. Its not the same anymore... but, i will forever cherish the moments we shared in England. Hey girl, we'll stick to each others like bees. I love your poem. REALLY.

Ciowzed! YEY for long entries!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Youre the Catalyst

Oh how i miss writing here!

Its wednesday and i am just done doing my reserch on fundamentalism, extremism, terrorism. Indeed, i have to say, this is a very sensitive subject. And while i was going through some websites, i saw some online debates and one particularly caught my eye. This girl was asking why do people (the general public) hate Muslims so much? Aftre all, we are innocent, and we werent the perpertrators behind the 9/11 attacks. And that discussion had many replies. And it was nice to see how some ppl truly tried not to judge Islam and Muslims. Others, were aksing more Muslims to speak out cos no voice was heard going agaisnt Osama and actions, and they question our support of anti-terrorism. I guess that is true. Why wasnt there anyone outwardly sayng that hey, What the Al-Qaeda did was wrong? I knew deep in my heart that it was wrong. There were voices, but maybe, we werent loud enough. Maybe if we were, we could encoureage these perpertrators? Im not confident, but i have hope, and thats a start right? and maybe, just like the crusade, one day what they call now the War on Terrorism will end.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Ive licked my wounds and carried on

The first week of school has been manageable. But waking up on a Friday morning jsut the third day of school was pure torture. I already felt so tired from the week. I wonder how 5 days of school would feel like =( Im too afraid to even think about it! SIGHHH. But it was nice to see everyone back. All the Lit babiess and my class 0732A. I think i truly miss having Fahmie, Kenneth and Kannan in the class. Teachers kept saying that "this is a very quiet arts class". NO LABELLING PLEASE. Sighhh.. its always soooo nice to talk to kannan. HEHEH... Vani, your secret's safe with me! =D

Anyway, i was looking for some pics, and went to my desktop and was looking through my folder when i saw all the Racial Harmony Day 06 pictures. Oh how i miss those days. Makes me miss all my good friends in WRS. Ahmad, Amy, nures, Jian sheng, Teng loong... and the canteen. And i saw pics with my good guy friends Khairul, Hakim Putra, Dominic Farhan... i still remeber 2e1 days! HAHAH. OH DEAR! so cheesy! Okay! STOP. going too far back alr! HAHA.

I saw Khairul in the library yesterday. I refuse to think and talk about it cos it was weird awkward and not to mention rediculously funny! Classic Khairul encounter. Shall remember it man. Whenever i tell it to any of my friends, they never fail to laugh.. i can be such an ass. Mun Ling says she's gonna warn my out-of-control-ness habit to my future boyfriend. Now, i'll never get one!

Well, i just wanted to let you know im fine. I ran 4 rounds today and it seems my stamina is still pretty good. And apparently, i got shorter! 157 and i lost some weight too. not much tho. I should stop complaining about my weight cos i just read articles about how some billions of ppl in the world facing malnutrtion and here i am, fully nourished and im complaining. Goodness! They'd be happy to weigh 46kg! So should I.

"Take the pain out of love, and then love wont exists"
A line from The Academy Is/Everything we Had.

Is it true then? That with love comes pain?
Is it? Why does it always have to hurt then?
And when it hurts, its love?

Or does it just mean, its time to break it off?

I really dont believe it has to be this way, but what do i know?

Oh, hear the skeptic speak!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy New Year!

helloh.

Happy new year! Truly 2008 has ben started on a right note. =) I woke up to the calling of my mother's voice sayingg "Everybody wake up!" GOSHHH. i was super tired! but i did anyway, and she had made this really nice western breakfast! Bake beans, croissants, egg, sardine! LOVELY.

Then, an hour later, we got ready to head to East Point with Pak Busu's family to go for buffet. Damn costly! We spent close to 300 bucks. So my dad was saying that we started the year off with a BANG! LOL. The food was good, it was like seoul garden, just more variety. definately more expensive that seoul garden! But my mum was like "nvm.. once a year only." HEHHH.

Anyway, after that we all went swimming at Woodlands. Ive tanned lines! =( I wonder how you get them when you were mostly underwater? Okay, not a science student here, so i really dont get it. LOL.

Well, i loved the day. I mean, it has helped in giving me a positive attitude to start 08. So, im looking forward to tmr where i can see all my classmates again. And feel the whole "comfort" of routine. God please be with us! =D

Immeeting ML at 7.15am tmr at Vista. YELPSSS... the thought of waiting for 900A bores me alr... oh! POSITIVE ATTITUDE Syuhrah.

I'll be on my way now... TO BED!

Where for art thou Holidays?