Ive been absent.
You know why from my entry.
i failed math.
hurh

Miss Ng talked to me a little.
She just said
"Oh syuhrah. I know you tried your best, but i couold tell you panicked thirugh the paper"
"Then how now?"
"bank on your other subjects"
"and what if i cant bank on them?"
"then, we'll see. Now you concentrate on PW"
*tears up again*

Ive not told dad. Im still contemplating over it.
I dunno where to start.
I feel so lousy tonight.
i should stop typing like this.

Anyway, school was really bad today. And i mean, BADDDD. We ahd period after period of PeeDoubleEWWWW. and it killed my spirit towards the end. I was giving attitude to my girls and i knew i ahd to stop, but i didnt. i sulked, i complained, i was ebing a BORIS. And believe me, Boris is an ASS.

I dunno. We have to multi task and do OP and WR now. Its really difficult. Sometimes, i feel like it breaks my spirit. And i wished i was irresponsible. I wished i could run away giggling like tribal women like TH and Boris. BUT I CANT. I CANT COS IM A RESPONSIBLE PERSON. AND I WONT FAIL MY TEAM. I wont fail myself yet again.

I cried today. It feels really bad to cry after not trying for a long time. I need to pull through. I need to. For myself, for the team.

This is mentally draining.

Im getting out. Im not a happy person today. I jsut really hope i dont cry again. Im tired of being the rock, boris. I jsut wished you knew that. I wished you didnt hurt the team and Me so much. I wished you could be the Man the team needs you to be, not the coward that avoids PW. i wished you'll quit being an ignorant and step up to play the game on our level now. You always find an escape. Im tired. Tell me why cant i find an escape? Why dont i run away too? Simply because im not a coward, dude. Im not afraid to stick it out. Im not okay dude. You dont know that.