helloh

After my not-so-happy post yesterday, i feel slightly better now.

I came to school, and i wasnt really feeling my best. i hardly smiled at Mel and Lyd which is totally not my style. then, i hardly talked and Mr Mahmood said i was in my "oblivious mood".

I felt so distant from everyone. so distant. i could hear Palvin, Boris, Philip, Xue ting, laughing, but i couldnt get how they could laugh at such a miserable day? Then, i started wallowing in self-pity. And i started tearing. and i knew better than to cry in front of my classmates so i went off to the toilet.

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And there, i brokedown.
I just sat on the toilet floor, and cried.
Overwhelmed, that was how i felt.
I had passed my History, barely, 48.
yet,
I felt overwhelmed with PeeDoubleEWWW and the boys' attitude.

I sms-ed VentheMan.
Said i needed someone.
Of cos you ask what about ML?
She wasnt in school. She seems to find escape quite often nowadays.
dont ask me what i think of it.
anyway, shes not too positive right now too. So, hey, misery loves company.
Ven and I headed to the grandstand,
where i just told him everything on my mind.
I cried so much. It was embarassing a little yet comforting in every other sense.

Would he be the first guy i cried to?
yeahhhh. HAHAH.
Most guys dont know what to do when they see girls cry.
But its simple,
just listen to them.
You dont have to say anything unless you feel obliged or when necessary.
Or else, mostly, all she wants is a listening ear.
And Ven makes for a GREAT listening ear.

So this entry is dedicated to him for being able to calm me down when noone else could. For being frank with me and comforting me. I will never forget what youve done, Venron. And if a day comes when its ever the other way round, i'll be honoured to repay your deed.

I would also like to thank Melissa for being my GRUMP ALERT. thanks for making me realise i wasnt Okay. Safarina, for being there cos you are always a comfort to talk to. thanks for remindng me i frown too much. Palvin, for making me laugh on the way to PE. Thanks dude, tho i still hate you for not picking up my call. Ian, for being frank with me. Kannan and Fahmie for being great sportsman during CaptainsBall since i sucked at it! LOL.

I had an okay day in the end. School can really be horrid, but i guess, my class always redeems itself you know. I have so many people to comfort me and who care for me and i care for them too. So, i know i feel safe among 0732A. Girls or guys. I cant imagine us not promoted together. It will happen. Maybe im one of them left behind...

I'd prefer not to think of it just yet.

Well, its late. I better rest. Tmr is going to be another long day - Day 1 of PW and Malay Intensive, thanks to A Level. BLURGHHHHH.

and they rolled down
uncontrollably
but you were there
and i knew it was fine
to act how i did
thanks for making it seem okay to be myself
thanks for being such a great friend
thanks for making my 16 Oct a much better day
Life has its crossroads,
has its options,
but in that moment,
nothing else mattered
not the tears
not the pain
for it was all
simplified by comfort.