The Believer; A Dreamer.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Some Happiness... Somewhere

i need to find my own happiness. im sure its somewhere. its definately not with somebody. i feel my emo mood coming back today and i read my prev antry and i feel so Empty that i actually wrote that. Mun Ling sms-ed me about it but i dont know what to say. Because fact is, im fine. im Okay. and yet, that doesnt quite satisfy me and i dont know why.

Well, i jsut came back. not Just.. but you know 6pm. Lol. Had Math and History today. WEEEEEE. i lovee history. i think it is the only subject i enjoy now. i likee Lit too, but i think Lit exposes you a little too much. Like, it makes you express soe things youre not too familiar with, and that scares me, and not forgetting their incomprehensible texts and questions for Section B: Prose. HURHHHHH??!!!?!? And i improved in Math. Failed by a mark. Hehh. Could have done better. damn. Substituted the n Wrongly. Nvm, mistakes are meant for you to learn from them.

Anyway, me and my study buddy, Ian Chay have vowed to try for a C for all our subjects, H1 and H2, for our summer tests. Okayy.. some who are not in Singapore education system will be like "Wthhh.. C?? Come man, That's like a rediculous result! *spits with disgust*" and those from the Singapore education system will go "Hey man, Fat hope! Like can only... Please larhh" Hehhh. i dont think its too high. Okayy.. maybe a little. Lol. But i mean, if i dont get a C at least i get a D. You know, like somewhere close to my aim. I wanna do well for Math. Well enough anyway. I mean, from this test, it shows me that i am capable of passing i jsut need to put my heart and head into it. No giving in and pushing on. JUST KEEP SWIMMING.

Hmm.. talked to philip today. Been like forever. We were eating and he was " Eh syuhrah, seems like ages since we last talk ah? " and i tot he was mocking me since we always does that so i said " Eh, i didnt say that right? " and he said " no, not you. im saying. " and i jsut nodded. And Sheryl said " Yeah hor.. i so long never see you two talk " And philip (trying to be funny) said " Yeah ah Syuhrah, Why ah? " and Sheryl said " Why dont we ask Philip and Boris? ", facing Philip. Philip and I laughed. Lol. Almost like old times.

Oh, and Boris wasnt there because he sprained his ankle and decided to stay home. HAHAH. guess what? His parents got him a walking Stick. Lol. Well, i hope you get well soon. Dude, please dont be mad about the NLB thing already.

Have fun at Malaysia too, and Philip, have fun in Jakarta, Indonesia!! =)

Hmmm.. im stuck here. HUMPHHH. Nvm. School is priority, and if i do well, at the end of the year, i will have my well deserved, Lit UK trip. I think........

I should get going. I wanna do a little of math and then start on some parts of the biography soon. LOVEEEE

*Q: Define Acceleration
A: When a car is moving and suddenly it moves faster.

(HAHAHAHAHAH)

Written by Abel
Retold with Courtesy from Philip
*This was during their Physics CA test.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

down and up

you dont know how much it hurts to want to say everything but all is restricted as everything doesnt seem good enough of jsut plain wrong. you are an ignorant. you hurt without knowing. you say without thinking. and yet, i miss everything that comes along with You. and i think, why do i miss everything that comes along with you? am i too dependent? do i just hate the thought of losing the people around me? do i just think that without you, it jsut doesnt quite feel yellow and orange anymore? i think mostly its because, it comes with being friends. you take each other as they come. sometimes some friendships hurt more than others, but that doesnt make them any less a friendship. i know it wont be the same. im not counting on it cos hey, im not the same person 6 months ago. so many things ahve changed with me.. and sometimes i hate it. she says " you werent always like this you know " and i say " i know. but i dont know whats wrong. " i have to find it, i whisper. and as Bert McCracken says " well, youre never gonna find it if youre looking for it well, it wont come your way" Thus, it shall come to me. i hope it comes soon. cos right now, laughing seems to be very hard. for somehow who lovees laughing, im not getting my daily dosages. HUH. i feel like im helping people but somehow, my own problems are being resolved.

i shouldnt apologise, and yet i feel obliged. maybe, i pushed you and everything away. i intended that but i didnt think too much about it. im fine, you know. but sometimes, Fine doesnt quite cut it.

im hungry and kenneth jsut reminded me of curry fish headdd.. hahah. thanks a lot kenneth! Lol

i love the people around me... i just have a funny way of showing it.

National Library and BATA

Hello.

Hmmmm... ive nothing to do and ive not started studying for my summer tests. Ooohhhh, am i gonna pay dearly for that or what?! Lol. i dunno, today jsut doesnt feel like studying day but my weekends gonna be pack with My brother's celebration. Hurrr.

Watching eppy 17 of OTH. missed eppy 16 and i cant be bothered. eppy 17 seems to be a nice eppy. nice heartwarming... all spending-time-with-friends is priority thing.

Anway, yest, i got back late like 8.15 cos i went to the national library with my PW group. Supposedly anyway. Boris apparently went there, but we ddint see him. and he said he was mad at us for that and you know the whole typical boris' speech. Whatever eh. we got some work done and was outta there by 6.45? And because of our VERY hungry stomachs, we indulged ourselves in a Mac meal!! Pei Bao, Nicole Tan and I. Weeeeeeee. A MacSpicy meal, mind you. Love it.

The trip back home was niceeee. Nicole Tan and i had a nice funny conversation. we were Laughing all the way to Ang Mo Kio where she alighted. Damnnn. One day of work huh?? HAHAHAH. Inside joke people. Anyway, nicole was really nice company. =))

oh, but most of all, i miss TXT alot. i missed her chatter i guess.

Well, i guess, i should do a little PW. Here and there.

They say good friends dont give up their friendship. I hope it will be okay.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Holiday starts

hello.

sighsighsigh. aorry for the triple sighs. if youve been waiting for a freakin video to buffer and play and then continue doing so, you'd type out 3 sighs too!

well, today, ive decided, im gonna chill for the weekend and get cracking come monday. study for Summer tests! hahaha. but i think ive got PW meeting on Mon. Sighh. but nevertheless, its ok. Positive thinking is the way to go when it comes to PW.

So, today, have done Nothing much. For once. hehhh. i woke at 8.30. decided not to go for religious class cos i felt sick. felt like i was coming downwith fever. so, stayed home while my parents went for some PTM with my Pri 3 bro. watched some shows.. quite boring larh the morn. no good Mtv shows.. so i ended up watching Bold and Beautiful, House, American Idol Finale... etc.

Ate a family Lunch. and then, was stuck on the Computer since. Revemped my blog!!! HAHHAA. Finally. Lol. added Picsss. I wanted to change my skin but well, didnt quite work out cos everything seemed pale compared to my current skin. y'all are fine with my skin right? and i mean, blog skin! Lol.

anyway, wanted to watch OTH eppy 16 but couldnt get the links. Can anyone help me? so, im currently watching it on DailyMotion but it takes forever to load. SIGHHHH. im more than half way through the first part of the eppy. there are 3 parts. i know, very pathetic.

Hmmm.. the holidays are here. Although its not much of a holiday and i refuse to say WHY. but, im excited for the break too. More staying home and jsut doing my stuff instead of you know, draggig my ass to school at 7.30 am. That jsut sucks. oh, but ive got to be back in school on mon anyway. but nvm, there is the most and best positive factor of school: FRIENDS. ok, boris and philip are not called freinds now, since i didnt even talk to them on Fri, but nvm. whatever. i jsut cant be bothered anymore.

So, Firday was a good day. =)) XT is the bombshizzle. Why? cos despite Boris and Phlip's persuasion, she never joined the rise to power shit. hah. She stuck by me and im touched. if ever i break away from whats up, im not saying i will, but if somehow, i do, then, i'd say XT will be the one i will miss having around most. XT and Vict. Maybe even James though he hangs out a lot more with Guo Quan nowadays. Its ok. People may grow apart but we're still friends, we know that. Dont why some people like to spoil other people's day so much.

Also, i sat with Lydia for history. Weeeee. I donno, we didnt talk much but its a start, right? Anway, that History lesson was nice. Not so boring. and best of all, i took down notes. But towards the end, Miss Audrey Tan did go a little too fast, but nvm, will jsut have to read notes myself then.

Then, for Literature, Boris didnt sit with Me and ML. ML called him over but i jsut said " We're not in talking terms." and she said "Oh". I think she likes Boris' company. Sorry babe, i used to love it too. We had a lit test, and i will totally fail it. FAILFAILFAIL. Shoot. my head was not fuctioning and my nose hurt form the flu so, i couldnt do it properly. i did it half- heartedly. Sighh.

Then, i went to canteen to meet with whoever. and because i was friendless (hah), ML accompanied me. Then, the guys around were near my table, and they were discussing about PW and the Basketball match and College Day. Very confusing indeed. SO, at last, Venron went to College Day with me and Kanna didnt go to the Basketball or his PW meeting. Man, boys are very strange people. So, as we had a lot of time to Burn, me and Venron decided to go to Vista as he needed to withdraw money too. There, we got Slurpees!! and i met Sibel finally with both of us wearing our uniforms. i was soooo shocked and she was too. we were " Sibel?!" and "syuhrah?!". HAHAH. i love that gurl. Introduced her to Ven the Man and went off. Me and Ven talked a lot. and mroe in the canteen. Hahh. we're good friends and im proud of it. =D afetr that, finally, college day!!

College Day was nice. Short and sweet. Nothing too fanciful blah3. and the dances were all great. im wondering why my (Guy) floorball captain is in the Indian dance. Hahh. i liked the modern Dance. i tot that was very graceful but Venron said the music made him fall asleep. i agree! Lol. One clip that they showed was very sweet. Oh man... i wanna watch that clip again. it was really super sweet. Cant wait for Year 2. but forst, getting through Year 1. That, my friend, is priority!

After College Day, yes, we were not allowed Refreshments. Hurh. Venron and i Walked to CWP together. Talktalktalk. Hahh. then waited for Ian at Macs. Ven is sooo sweet. iw as broke, so he got me an apple pie. Ahhhhh.. and i was like " no, i dont want it. " and he was like " take it like you owe me an Apple Pie" HAHH. i8 dont like using other people's money to buy my own stuff. i feel like there's something wrong with that. but NVM. I owe a venron an apple pie Now. HAHH.

Okay. im gonna head out. oh, i forgot to say, liverpool lost in UCL. i am very sad. Athens is nt teh place to be in Weds. a fight broke out too. Ah... why cant soccer jsut be the beautiful game that it is? i support Joga Bonito, i think it means, play beautifully. hehh. Dirk Kuyt threw a lifeline but it was just a little too late. Undeniably, Liverpool deserved the win. they were the better team, no doubt. Inzaghi's 2nd goal could have been stopped, and im very upset about that. VERY. But im still Liverpool's 12th man. Nothing will change that.

So i shall head out now. LOVEEEEE.

See, i dont need you much now.

Ven the Man, always there when you in a hand.

Dont disappoint me, he said. im left speechless.

Monday, May 21, 2007

sucky sucky mon

todays my brother's burfdae as i worte yesterday. but the day has been anything but nicee. it was Pei Baos burfdae too.

so, we had math lect first thing in the morn. i sat beside philip. he didnt say a word to me. not a single word. not even a pathetic hi. and that was just how it went between boris and philip and i. i dont understand what you mean when you use the bloody excuse that there was nothing to talk about. WTHHHHH. there is always something to talk about. you deserve to rot and decay. LITERALLY. call yourselves friends. i dont even feel like yours now.

thus to answer your question. friends forever? You decide. Are you going to be good friend to me or a lousy one like what you have been for the past few weeks. Get real Boris and Philip.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

My music

hello.

i changed my song finally. ok, so, i actually declared myself a NON- GC fan a few months ago. BUT, this song is TOOOOO lovable. and i can relate to it too easily. Having fallen and risen when it comes to Love, ive decided I DONT WANT TO BE IN LOVE. i know it sounds cold. sounds like a loner. but i think its just hard. i feel like for now till i survive this year, i just want to be emotion-LESS. i know it will be difficult being an EMO myself, HAHH. But, what have i got to lose.

to those, who ARE in love, i hope you pull through. Especially to Mun Ling and Brandon. i hope i dont jinx it by writing it here. Lol. and Ahmad and Allynn. and Ven and Fio. And TXT and Nose. Yepp. I hope y'all make it through the shit that life brings. This is from an Incubus song called Love hurts: Love hurts but sometimes its a good hurt/and it feels like im alive/Love sings when it transcends the bad things/ and without love i wont survive.

And for those out of love like myself, we'll pull through. Comfort yourself by listening to People In Love by The Feeling. Hahhhh.. and laugh yourself silly. Feel that cheesy smile creeping.. curving that frown the other way around.

Great! Love in 2 sides.

After so looooooooooonnnnnnnnnngggggggg~

Alrightey, No lies. it has been sooooooo long! hahah. i misssss blogging. hahh.

well, UPDATES. *listening to Everything: Michael Buble*

My Sec 3 brother's birthday was on th 8th of May. He got an acoustic guitar and hes starting to learn to play Emily from First to Last. Yeah. He got his dream Present. I still have no idea what I want. Sobb. im sure that will come around.

And tmr is my Pri 3 brother's birthday. 21st of May! So, i actually missed my possibly first Floorball match for my brothers birthday. All the best to my fellow Floorballers agianst National JC. Its a Friendly... but nevertheless, good competition.

Oh, there was some "crisis" in Whats Up. but was settled just Fri. So, im glad thats over, Hopefully no such thingswill happen again. It was hard on everyone that actually felt anything. But through this process, i got closer to Venron. and maybe, hopefully Lydia. Which is nicee. I know now, that he has my back no matter what and Venron, if you ever read this, i have your back too. Forever. We spent almost the whole of Saturday sms-ing each other. We talked and confessed many things. hahahahahah. you will NEVER know.

This is me and Lydia. Sorry about the squabble dear. Whatever it was, i hope its behind us now and we can be friends. Hahh. Look at my smile. My god. Lol.

Also, another Summer tests for our language papers have begun!! ~~weeeeeeeeeee!~~ SO, friday, it was GP and Malay COmposition. SIGHHHH. GP was good. i thought i wrote some good points well, i hope they are valid to the teachers too cos if its not, im going DOWN. FACEDOWN. Hah. Malay was horrid, as always, i wrote the most simplest story on earth. no originality. Now that i think about it, i didnt stress on the "peristiwa yang mengancam nyawa orang yang kamu plaing menyayangi". Crapp. there goes my pass. I hope i will pass that cos i failed my prev test like 41/100. WTHH. Only four passes eh. Hahh. So, hoepfully it will be better this time around. Other Summer papers are up in July, once Semester 2 starts. Ahhh.. btw, if youre thinking, WTH are summer tests doing her in a Tropical Country? Well, there are our mid years. 40% of our total scored for the whole year to get opromoted. Damn right its important. So, this is why im strated to do my regular revision. Oh, well, trying to anyway. It sucks man. Like every week there is a test at least. next week, which is supposedly the last week of the term, there are 2 tests. So, i actually spent my whole day doing math. my break is ending soon ( yes, i did a schedule... and so far im actually keeping to it- which is hard really cos i get hungry very quickly) so i should finish this up quickly. So wish me all the best!!

Friday was also the Councillor's Investiture. And guess who was appointed my Mr Mahmood to go for this ever prestigious event? Me. ANd thankfully, Melissa. ANd next week, for College Day, dont even ask me what is that, i am also invited with Venron. Great! Hahahh. but i think i have Floorball camp aftrewards. i hope it gets postponed. The investiture was good. Our new Council President Tuhin i think, looks very responsible and comical too. so, thats nicee. Oh, Anthea and Jun feng are also part of EXCO. I dont know the other two.

Next, we had Sports Day!!!!!! Yeyyy.. but Whats Up couldnt celebrate together. Boris and Philip left earlier... MUCH earlier. And James and Vict were at Rasalas Camp, TXT was Cheerleading for Taurus. So it was just me, Ven and Ian. Oh, and of course my Dearest Mun Ling was also there with me to celebrate our very first Sprots Day at iJc. Oh, btw, Mun Lings Booked and Stamped okayyy.. hehh.. and not by me! Im not saying who! Think P!ATD Lead and The Killers Lead. ooooooo` hahahaha. Anyway, Sports Day was funnnnnn. It took awhile for the mood to be there cos Taurus was jsut deeeeeaaaaddddd. But, we stuck through, cheered for all our friends including the ones in Rasalas *chokes: James Goh* and Lydia and many other Taurus Teams. I Loveeeee Taurus. Proud to be a Taurus.

So overall, it was an ejoyable Friday. I love iJc's SPorts Day. Next year, o732A is gonna be the best class! Hahhhhhh.

Back to revising for Econs. will update more tonight if have time. LOVEEEEE.