The Believer; A Dreamer.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Something to hold onto

i have loads to say but somehow no matter how i start, its feel like its just wrong. i dont think im gonna say it. i feel like im floating UP i dont know if its just my mind but im floating. like i need something to anchor me down. i need something to hold onto.

ive been listening to Look After You by The Fray. Heres my fave part:

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go

Will you won't you, be the one I always know

When I'm losing my control, the city spins around

You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

i need to slow downnnnn. but i know i cant either. God, please help me.

emo is not fun. heres the truth.
just take a step closer. its ok if its me you turn to. ahhhhh. speechless. i dont even know what im writing. HAHHHHHH.

i miss....

i miss...

my 3 months admission friends that have gone. To be exact, AtikahSyarah and YiYingPrincey.

my 3 months experience. the chilled out hours.. the manymany self-study period on Monday, the time spent at CWP, the movies we watch, the jokes we shared and the games we played.

james and Vict in my class. i miss James antics, and i miss Vict's presence.

the not-so-much homework life. The PW-never-existed life.

not being sooo responsible. i think i take too much responsibility over things but i jsut cant help myself. i think i might be crazy. i need some help. i do. but who?

having all my homework passed up on time. now, i can barely finish all my workload and have things due. SIGHHHHH~

HOME. reaching home by 5 is luxury now.

loving ECONS. because right now, at the pace we're going, i hate it SOOOO badd. oh, that must also mean i miss Mr Ng too and his JOKES. not that Mr Lim is not good, hes just not Mr Ng. Get it?

not being soooo worked up. Needless to say, i dont need to elaborate.

Venron's and Ian's company. Somehow, it doesnt feel the same anymore. and i dont know why.

WRS. and the lively chatter with Mun Ling in class. passing notes via AhmadAfzal. i miss how she draggs me to the toilet. i miss laughing with her because the last time we hanged out, it seemed like forever.

having money. cos right now, im tight! hahahahah

God. i feel distant from Him this past 2 weeks. and i feel wronged for feeling that way. i need to get back to Him. i need His strength because only He can give me the strength i need for the next 2 years and lets all pray its only 2 years.

As you can all see... i miss loadsa things now. i miss blogging too. SIGHH.

the only thing constant is Change.
Think about THAT.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Virginia Tech Shootings

i was just reading the articles from CNN and Time. about the Virginia Tech shootings. the pictures of the shooter and the memorial afters, just gave me creeps. Firstly, i seriously, think publishing all the pictures of the shooter, cho, was a bad idea. i mean, just seeing it, not being a victim, related to a victim or an american, im already getting the shivers just imagine what those who first-handedly experienced it must be going through now. So, for one minute, i tonight, before i go to bed, im gonna say a prayer for them. and maybe, you should too. that way, there will be loads of prayers for the victims and those affected directly or indirectly. They need comfort more than ever now, do your part, say your prayers. You will be heard.

May the pain reside slowly but surely.

On another not so sullen note but still quite sullen.

this week has been ergghhh. Horrid. Horrid. Saying that word doesnt even come out with the appropriate scenario of the week. the happiest day of the week was probably MONDAY. as silly as that sounds.

The rest of the week was just bombarded with hmwk. With the lack of cooperation of the class and the ultimate slack attitude, it just made it worse. SO, as you would have guessed, i broke down. BAWLING my freakiiiiing eyes out. i was a wreck. i was pissed, frustrated. if i could, i would have just ran home. Literally RUN. this my friends, is what you call breaking point. by Wednesday, i already felt so DEAD. Tired and exhausted. so, the following days were such a drag. i just seriously couldnt keep my emotions up. it was always positive in the morning, but by 8.30, it was DOWN THE SEWAGE SYSTEM.

well, i got back early today. Like 5.10 and geez, cant remember what i did! man. but, i selpt and did a little of Hist revision. copied and highlighted but i have LOADS more to go. LOADS of lecture notes more. hahah. wish me luck File check: 30 april, Note to self and related others.

oh, i came back and talked to Mun Ling over the phone for like 1hr++. i was sooooo nice to talk to her!!!!! ahhhhh. Its so scary that Boris and her might actually become GOOD friends. HAHH. i miss her. i soooo need to knwo that Hockey Dude. oh the uncanny similarities to Boris. eurrrrghh. Sca-ry! hahh. well, love my Babe Forever.

well, i gotta go. im an emotional wreck right now. i need to get over myself. i need to realise my class is all in my mind. if i can love them, i can surely hold myself together and help them come together and actually DO their work. Either that or there might as well, have a miracle that puts some sense of urgency into them (doubt so). Having a chat with Philip now. sighh, this dude is refusing to tell me. says it affects him "it concerns my heart, feeling, desire, spirit and thinking". and that the time is not ripe. wonder what could be that erm... important.

well, shall update more next week. please give me the strength to go on for next week.. please.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

back!!

hellohello!!

i am soooo sorry for not updating. really. ive been way too busy and im SO not kiddiing. This whole week has pushed me real hard. late nights completing work and waking up late the next morning. ahhh... classic college life. hahh. *listening to: secondhand serenade: Vulnerable*

well, lets just round things up. thursday night, i was up till 20 minutes past mdnight doing my Economics Review. together with my guys fr whatssupp. hahah. Forever late minute larhhh we all. hurh. at last, completed it and continue chatting with Victoria. we talked... and talked.. tyical girl talk. Scandalous, i tell you.

oh, i also talked to Boris about his whole deal with bing quiet the whole week but he claimed that on his part hes been noisier... okayyy. you know, like the friendships between whatssupp. its close but if you think about it we have only been friends like 4 months. so, i mean there problie are questions on how much you can confide with each other. *Anna Nalick: Breathe* but, i wanna tell all of my whatssupp, that we are all we have in this really stressful college life. so, we have to learn to just be honest. friends are friends... and so, its up to us to keep to the Pact. im still hopeful. i love you guys. and i think ive made that pretty clear.

oh, and i am officially in Floorball. hehehehehhh. i told ahmad and he was like " Wow. syuhrah is in sports!" hahahah. whatever dude. your influence!! haha. oh, did you guys alr know that ahmads is in looove?! hey, i just want to spread the love! Lol. anyway, i wanna get a stick soon. weeeeeee~ a cool pink stick. so, even if im not selected for the school team (altho' i hope i will be) at least i will be the girl with the cool stick. HAHH. lamer syuhrah. FB is cool. but undeniably tiring. like the PT and drills. im one of the most unfit people in the world, so, getting me to do all thisssss.. is just pure torture. so, since competition is up, the teacher is stepping up training esp for improving our stamina. so we have morning trainings too. crapppp. tues and thurs. *Good charlotte: The river* PE DAYS... IM DEAD I TELL YOU. like 12 rounds a day that means 4.8 each day. that means 9.6 km each week. wthhhh. what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. that shall be my motto. hahh. wish me all the best. dont you see, im seriously serious about keeping fit. what more do i have to do?! hahahahha.

oh, i forgot to mention that my friends have created a new nick name for me. guess!! SHOE. like wthhhh right?! hahah. what will i do without you guys??

today was parents teachers meeting. hmmm.. went alright larhh. Mr Mahmood just said that that i am more talkative than in 3 months. and that this can be quite distracting. i just knew that point would be brought up. HAHH. then, about my leadership qualities since im a CG rep aka Chairperson. he said i was doing a good job and that he had qoute " high hopes for me " unqoute. i just find that funny. i dont know why. Lol. i didnt see any of my whatssupp. Vict slept in. TXT was not coming. what happened to Boris and Philip? i saw Kannan's parents... ahhaha. and Palvins. Cowards. never come along with their parents. Advisable right?? HAHH. hmm.. well, after i got home i just watched teevee. nthing much. the day is nice. not too hot or cold.

well, i think i should end here its quite long alr. okay. just to motivate me, after this, i'll gte started on Tut 7: Standard Graphs, Economics Tut 5: Price Detremination, and just to calm me down, complete my malay portfolio. BORIING!!! i hate Malay Language. did i say i have to set up a blog for malay. i need to write my comments about 3 article on Berita Harian EVERYDAY. may i say TORTURE again??

why oh why????

Baptized in the river

I've seen a vision of my life

And I wanna be delivered

In the city was a sinner

I've done a lot of things wrong

But I swear I'm a believer

Like the prodigal son

I was out on my own

Now I'm trying to find my way back home

Baptized in the river

I'm delivered

Good charlotte: The River

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Post camp disorder

im suffering from what i call Post camp disorder. Ok, so today has been slightly better, but yesterday was purely difficult to get up and DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING. i just wanted sleep. sleep sleep sleep. and that is seriously all i did. i tried to do some work but i just ended up getting sleepy then sleeping again. if i wasnt sleeping i was reading. well, at least i had an intersting book. Love in Present Tense by i forgot the author. shall write it down when i remember. Sighh.

woke up yesterday and my upper calves and arms hurt. then i realised i had 2 or 3 bruises, like blueblacks i mean. then i saw some small cuts. then i have one really painful blister. Crapp. oh, not to mention ive gotten 2 shades darker and my face has different shades thanks to my specs. HAH. im havoc. but at least, im soooo much cleaner. my hair is nicer and softer. it doesnt smell salty and my scalp isnt all bumpy. sighhh.. hey, dont get me wrong, i LOVED camp. enjoyed every blister and every cut and every laugh ( and cry ) i went through. no regrets. =))

oh, and accomplishments for the day, did my Econs review. weeeeeee~ damn happy. tho i dont think its great, but good, for a 1st attempt. i was seriously having a headache doing it cos i didnt know where to start. geez.

next, did my Tutorial 5 for math. Damn lagg larhh.. hahh. sorry. did a little. well, its something. Im afraid of standard Graphs. didnt pay too much a attention to that one in the beginning. sighh.

i did my Economics Tut 4 - Supply. I really suck at this topic. i think im okay with Demand but supply is just horrid. i gotta read up.

well now, im doing my PI for project work. sighh. just got the template from the portal. then, later on gonna get started on Lit research on Karl Shapiro. i seriously have no idea how to do the woksheet. help?? anyone? i did some jotting down but i cudnt put it on the worksheet didnt know which goes where. Deep trouble....

anyway its been long since i did recommendation of songs so here goes my songs of the day.

~ Read my Mind by The Killers
the meaning of this song is so bittersweet in my opinion. is just the kind of song you want your other one to hear just before he/she leaves. favourite line: cos i dont mind if you dont mind/ cos i dont shine if you dont shine/ before you go/ come on read my mind. Brandon flowers is amazing. =)
~The Prayer by Bloc Party
Subtle and yet it makes you want to move. Everytime i listen to this song, it makes me want to go on my knees and clasp my hands and just be silent. i dont even know the meaning! Hah. but, i got some lyrics, tho i cant remember them now but let me tell you, it a nice song with a weird video. but Bloc Party is a Unique band and is definately worth the listen.
~Wait For You by Elliot Yamin
While everybody was busy suporting Katherine Macphee and Taylor Hicks, i was sadd and crumbling over the decision that Elliot Yamin was out of AI. Seriously, this dude can see plus hes sooo charming in his own way. ok, i have to agree hes not drop-dead gorgeous but his voice and the way he serenades, totally makes up for it. Love the new curls on him, makes you want to tousle it real bad. And well, duuuhhh, the song is about him pining for a girl. typical but nicee and sweet. theres a line that goes, i'll wait for you till the end of my lifetime or something like that. im sure youve heard that line somewhere but hearing HIM sing it... goshh. blows my mind away. i was totally distracted by this song as i did my Econs review. maybe thats why i was having a headache. So much for multi-tasking. hurh.

anyway, thats all. short and sweet. hahh. Alrightey.

Lovelove. ciowz.